Just the Recaps, Ma'am
09/18/2013
05/07/2013
Condragulations, Jinkx!
You earned this the honest way, girl.
The race might have seemed tight for a moment, right at the end, but in our hearts, we always knew it.
It was always, ever, only you, Jinkx Monsoon. Condragulations, you gorgeous, amazing queen!
04/30/2013
Yo Fish, I Heard You Like Recaps
So I took clips of your clip show, so you can have scraps of recaps! (Thank you, 2007.)
What a hyperactive blur of non-sequiturs and sparkly nonsense. There were dubiously target-demographic-relatable football metaphors!
Willam cohosted with a pigeon!
They sopped up Latrice!
RuPaul taught us how to hide our carrots!
Jinkx gave us a new ringtone!
"Trade! TRADE! Come here and sit on my face, bitch!" You're welcome, hunties.
Biggest bummer: No audition videos! I live for audition videos. I could do an entire episode of just audition videos. I was hoping for a whole segment called "Alaska: A Five-Year Casting Retrospective."
Favorite bits: the RuPaul Roast outtakes, the rundown of Drag Queen Musical Ventures, the inclusion of fan art and recappers (whose dick do I need to hire Willam to suck if I want to be included next year?), and the introduction of the new-to-us Alyssa-ism of "Not on tonight!"
Oh, and the video for "The Beginning." What bizarre shinanigans!
As far as I can tell, the plot is this: Alaska, Jinkx, and Roxxxy go for a breezy desert ride, until Alaska crashes the car and they all die.
They wake up in Gay Heaven, where all the cameras have Vaseline and nobody's #Chiffonography has to be synchronized to anybody else's! RuPaul dances a greeting, and they watch their trials from the acid-magenta clouds: apparently, they're being tried for their own vehicular manslaughter. Children, this is what happens when you drink until the drag queens look like real girls. Eventually, this Kanga-Ru Court convicts everybody to Tuckahoe State Prison for Ladies, where their mugshots were seemingly used for the Top Three Profile segments that ran earlier in the show.
Or something. If you were able to make any goddamn sense of the video, please explain it to me.
So that's almost our season! In real-time, this Tuesday afternoon, the entire Season Five cast is gathering in Los Angeles, and they're taping the reunion and all four crownings tomorrow afternoon. Yes, four: in addition to Miss Congeniality, they'll film all three of Alaska, Jinkx, and Roxxxy being crowned the winner, and nobody (even the queens themselves) will know the true winner until the Monday night finale broadcast. Which means that in less than twenty-four hours, we'll have already crowned Schrödinger's Next Drag Superstar!
I took this photo last night, at the Atlanta RuPaul's Drag Race viewing party at Blake's. (Clock my amazing tacky-ass race-flag nails, by the way.) Here's my official final-vote alliance, via the awesome Team Buttons they gave us:
I truly cannot choose. I hate giving the pageant answer, but I want two crowns. I'll be happy either way.
I know this is hella premature, but perhaps because I'm already satisfied with the conclusion of Season Five, I must admit: I'm already really, really excited about Season Six. (You've read my Season Six casting endorsement, right?) I do have a hope for the editing on Season Six, though. I don't want this Top Three:
- The young, unconnected, genius-misfit ingenue whose winning streak baffles the other queens,
- The dagger-tongued villain, whose tragic childhood doesn't quite excuse the shade she throws at the oddball ingenue, and
- Their mutual friend, the older-sister voice of reason, well-connected in the drag community and an excellent queen in her own right, who provides a diplomatic bridge among the Top Three.
Because those finalists? We did that in Seasons Four and Five. It didn't have to be that way: Jinkx's meek-bullied-odd-duck edit felt increasingly forced as the season progressed (and the queens, including Jinkx, have all said that Jinkx wasn't nearly as timid as she was made to look), and while Roxxxy did lash out, she apologized for each attack over and over, during filming and during broadcast. And yet, we got the Jinkx-the-protagonist, Alaska-the-big-sister, Roxxxy-the-villain edit to this season's endgame.
(Of course, if Jinkx wins on Monday night, Alaska's chances of winning All Stars Season Two look very good.)
I don't want a protagonist in Season Six. When I first watched Season Three, it wasn't my favorite, but I've come to appreciate the lack of protagonist-narrative it had. Of course, Jinkx (and Sharon) didn't choose their edits, didn't cast themselves as the protagonists of their seasons--but their actions and antics that ran counter to the edits chosen for them were left on the cutting room floor. I hope that Season Six doesn't have to be this way: the show will benefit from allowing more of the whole-people of the queens to show, and while that might make the producers' jobs more complicated, it would also make the show more interesting.
Okay, my stilettos are punching holes through the top of this soapbox. Anyway. I'm hella excited for the national game of Where's Waldo? we'll get to play this summer, when a dozen-or-so drag queens quietly disappear from their regular gigs for a couple months (you guys will help me figure out who's gone missing, right?). And I'm looking forward to finding out the official cast list, and watching dozens of grainy bar-performance videos on YouTube and guessing who's the most sick'ning of the bunch. And although I'm going to keep this blog active after Season Five is over, I'm really, really looking forward to watching the first Season Six queen strut through those big pink werkroom doors in January.
That's it for this week! Give me quantifiable validation on Facebook and Twitter (do you like me? Or do you Like-button-me-like-me? I hope you Like me!), and stay tuned: the season's almost over, but we're not done here yet, darlings!
04/25/2013
RuPaul's Drag Race Season 5 Episode 12: The Final Three, Hunty
It's the end of werkroom days. No more wacky mini-challenges, no more racing to the supplies table or jostling at the make-up mirror, no more hoping to not lip synch. It's the music video. It's the victory lap. It's the Final Three.
As we bid adieu to Detox's waggling Black & Decker Pecker Wrecker, the queens do the math. What a difference a single challenge makes: Jinkx's record-breaking eight-week run of highs and wins has ended in her first Lip Synch For Your Life. Meanwhile, Alaska's timely victory has secured a three-way tie for challenge wins, and Alaska is the only finalist who hasn't lip synched. The momentum is potentially meaningful: except for Manila, every queen who's won the Top Four Ball Challenge went on to win her season of RuPaul's Drag Race.
Pictured: by some measures, your eleventh-hour frontrunner.
Roll credits! Top Three Fantasy, Top Three Fantasy! Our finalists dance into the werkroom, and Ro and Laska have notes from Tox.
Not that Detox owed Jinkx a note, but it still feels like a snub: no note for Jinkxy.
nb: Detox has been diligent about answering tweets over the last couple weeks, but when I asked her if some shady producer had stolen/hidden her note to Jinkx, she didn't reply, and I couldn't find any fuss about it elsewhere on her Twitter timeline either. I'd been wondering if the missing note was part of the Jinkx-the-Protagonist edit, but it's probably safe to say that Detox genuinely didn't leave anything for Jinkx.
Oooh, girl. It's your very last SheMail, and it comes with Michelle Visage!
The video this year will be "The Beginning," and before the final runway, the queens will meet with Gloria Allred and have their time-honored Tic Tac lunch with RuPaul herself. Don't fuck it up!
Michelle trades out with choreographer Candis Cayne, who introduces us to #Chiffonography. (I maintain that #Chiffonography is correctly spelled with the hashtag.)
In the most predictable failing since Coco started slapping Tang on Horchata, Alaska still can't dance. Say, isn't Abby Lee Miller a fan of the show, and isn't her studio in Pittsburgh? It might be time for a weekend werkshop with the Haus of Haunt.
Thankfully, we move on to #Candisography's next segment. Roxxxy knows how to werk a wind machine, but Alaska and Jinkx struggle, and the post-production editors treat us to a hilarious woodchipper sound effect as Jinkx whips her wig into the fan.
There's no time to fish Jinkx's hair out of the fan, because we're moving on to the music video shoot! It feels like an homage to To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar initially, until Mathu Andersen tells the girls that they're "going to fly to heaven." They even see RuPaul in the clouds!
Hermione, Harry, and Ron chase the train to Hogwarts fabulously.
(There wasn't a flying car in To Wong Foo, was there? Last time I saw that movie, it was college and I was drunk.)
We're treated to highlights of Roxxxy and Jinkx's wigs tangling, and Jinkx having an adorable narcoleptic-at-the-wheel moment.
Does Absolut make a helium-and-speed cocktail? Because the next portion of the video shoot is, as Mathu Andersen put it, chipmunkery.
#Karaokraphy
We watch Roxxxy nail it--she definitely chose the best hair for this out of the three of them--and Alaska ultimately succeeds as well. We're not shown any of Jinkx's chipmunkery at all, which leads me to believe that her performance was on-point too--if she'd struggled, they would have shown it.
Finally, it's time to film the dreaded dancing, and although we see a few moments of Alaska making mistakes, I'm convinced she pulled it together quickly and the #Chiffonography worked itself out for all three queens. Why? Because we skipped one of my favorite schadenfreude moments of every season: Mathu Andersen freaking out with exasperation during the video shoot.
Humor my unkindness for a moment, but some people are really funny when they're pissed off, and Mathu Andersen is one of them. Remember this episode from seasons 3 and 4: he can be a mean old queen with zero tolerance for fuckery on these video shoots, and anybody who screws up can go straight to gay hell, so far as he's concerned. If Mathu Andersen and Mike Ruiz are bookend challenges to the entire season, then Mike Ruiz is the tutorial level and Mathu Andersen is the final boss battle. This year, though, all three queens avoid Mathu's wrath, so I look forward to seeing Alaska's perfect #Chiffonography when they release the final video.
How amazing is Gloria Allred, hunties, and how amazing was she with the queens? All of the amazing, that's how amazing. I loved Alaska, in her confessional, introducing her with a tone of reverence typically reserved for people who came out of Cher's vagina. Ladies, take note of Gloria Allred: this is executive realness.
There better not be any bullshit.
She has no patience for wishy-washy answers and "pageant babble," as she eloguently puts it. "As the kids would say, keep it real. Do you think you can do that?" Gloria Allred keeps it real, chiding Alaska and Roxxxy for imprecise answers and Jinkx for avoiding reading the other queens. I want her to be my terrifying, impossible-to-please mentor. Actually, I want to make a thousand clones of her and make everybody answer to her every once in a while. It would be a bit like getting sent to the principal's office, but we'd all be better for it, right?
Meanwhile, the Tic Tac Luncheons are underway with RuPaul. I always love seeing the queens gag on being that close to Ru when she's in full drag: even after weeks of being up-close-and-personal with boy-RuPaul, and in the same room as her during judging, there's still a wonderfully jazzed energy that each queen brings to her lunch date. RuPaul has an amazing way of setting people at-ease, though, and all three lunches are great for the queens.
We watch Jinkx's first, and Jinkx presents herself swimmingly well, discussing her Broadway aspirations (RuPaul suggests the character of Blanche DuBois) and rocky childhood. Jinkx reflects that perhaps she plays an older character because she missed out on the typical childhood/teenager experience; her drag character is a mother because she'd been in a parental role to her brothers for years. On a sidenote: at Tuesday's Elimination Lunch (which I recapped here), Jinkx gave an update on her family situation: she and her mother "have had a lot of intense conversations" since the show began airing, but that it's brought her family back together--her mother and aunt are speaking again, her youngest brother is doing better, etc. RuPaul's Drag Race: helping families heal since 2009.
Alaska's is next, and she talks about her potential to be "the Kate Middleton of drag," as well as her fear of death. We're treated to a sweet montage of Alaska/Sharon photos while Alaska cries a little, and RuPaul advocates living in the moment. She tells Alaska how proud she is of her, and calls her "sweetheart," and my heart is full. <3
Roxxxy's tee-shirt breaks the fourth wall.
During her lunch, Roxxxy pitches for the big girls. RuPaul calls her an amazing queen, and ...that's all. This editing is officially no longer even trying to be fair, because while we got sweet, personal moments with Alaska and Jinkx, Roxxxy's Tic Tac Luncheon segment is shorter and much less personal. I've told you everything that we saw. Dear Roxxxy: it sucks that you've painted yourself into this corner, gurl. Good luck on All-Stars.
Back from commercial, and all rise! Order in the courtroom, hunties!
Without much elaboration, Roxxxy describes her witness and prosecutor as "a bitch," and struggles with all three roles. Honestly, her frustration is understandable: in past seasons' music videos, all the queens had to do for this segment was pout and stamp a bit, then get slapped by RuPaul. By comparison, this is some ten-seconds-on-the-clock Snatch Game Redux action.
Jinkx's characters are great: I loved the mannerisms of her saucy-dish witness and her Wife of Foghorn Leghorn defense attorney.
Alaska was cute too. I loved all three of her very-distinct voices, her trampy little witness was priceless, and I lived for her "We want the T, schtupid!" interaction with Jinkx.
By the way, you need this GIF in your life: Roxxxy's cloud of spittle, floating across the nonplussed visage of Mathu Andersen.
#Mistography
It's lucky that somebody dropped a Xanax in Mathu's coffee this year, because he was very sweet and diplomatic with the increasingly-frustrated Roxxxy. Watching Roxxxy punch Mathu would've gilded the lily on her edit, right?
All three queens are drained after the long day of filming, and Roxxxy lashes out at Alaska and Jinkx. Listening to her words, it's clear that her frustration is more with the competition challenges themselves than with her competitors, but the only people available for screaming-at are Jinkx and Alaska, so they bear the brunt of her anger.
Roxxxy's not exactly wrong, by the way. There is a rhythm to each season of RuPaul's Drag Race, types of challenges that, when categorized, come up semi-predictably each season. This season, in the challenges between the Snatch Game and the amateur make-overs, there was an extra comedy challenge where, in past years, there's been a costuming challenge instead. And, if we're being honest, this courtroom scene was effectively an entire challenge's worth of comedy by itself. Every season is a little different, though--Season Two had two fewer comedy challenges than the other seasons; Season Three had one extra costuming challenge--and it's Roxxxy's poor luck that Season Five was the comedy-heavy season. It doesn't excuse her behavior, but her frustration with this season isn't coming from a completely unfounded place.
Anyway. She goes to bed angry, we go to commercial, and when we come back, it's the Last Day Ever in the werkroom!
I wish we got an entire Final Morning segment that was just "Look at what I brought but never got to wear!"
Roxxxy is still bitter about the amount of comedy in the competition, implying that Jinkx, Alaska, and RuPaul's Drag Race itself are making fun of drag in a way that demeans the art of drag. Jinkx is the defense counsel, explaining that she takes comedy, and the art of comedy in drag, very seriously. (Fun fact: Jinkx and Alaska both have BFAs in theater. Nobody has a degree in mocking their own profession, thank you very much.) In her confessional, Alaska is the voice of cooler heads prevailing; effectively, her stance is "Oh, that incorrigible pageant queen Roxxxy! What a hoot."
Pictured: the gulf between Roxxxy and Jinkx.
Roxxxy's teeth really come out, though, when Jinkx asks, "What has been your favorite moment throughout this competition?" and Roxxxy replies, "Seeing you in the bottom two." In confessional, she cops to the head game: she's trying to upset Jinkx, and it works. I'd be upset too--anybody would.
When Jinkx replies, "It doesn't make me feel good, to talk to other people the way you talk to me sometimes," Roxxxy can't help herself, laying out the narrative for God and everybody: "I know, you're the victim, everybody hates you and nobody gets you." Jinkx replies strongly, insisting that she's not anybody's victim and reminding Roxxxy that she's done well in the competition. It's absolutely true, for Jerick-the-actual-person, but the producers have been building the narrative of Jinkx-the-bullied-odd-duck all season, and Roxxxy spelling it out iced the cake. (Yes, Roxxxy's been apologizing for this non-stop; if you didn't read it before, the details are in my recap of their Elimination Lunch together.)
And on that note, we say goodbye to the werkroom until 2014. Hey, mama!
Best Breasts on Panel awarded to Michelle Visage. Check out that tacky necklace!
I really should think of an award Santino could potentially win each week. Most Smitten With RuPaul? Anyway, my favorite mooning clownfucker is looking very handsome tonight.
Commence.
Shake.
DOWN.
I refuse to nitpick. All three queens look stunning.
The critiques are, overall, positive. Santino, in particular, gives all three queens the compliments they've wanted to hear all season: Roxxxy exudes sex appeal, Jinkx's paint looks amazing and she moves like she knows she's beautiful, and while Alaska had a lot to live up to, she now stands as her own queen, not in anybody's shadow. Atta boy, Santino.
And now... I'm sorry my dears, but you are up for extermination...
because the time has come... for you to defend... your life!
Roxxxy speaks first, and she makes the case that she has a grace, beauty, and professionalism that Jinkx and Alaska lack. She wants to be a role model as a thick and juicy girl, and she's proud of her body and her drag. It's a fine speech, but she's also lucky she went first and didn't have to follow either of the other two.
Jinkx lays out her narrative: she grew up an outcast from a troubled home, and drag helped her come to life on stage. She discusses her growth through the competition, and ends with her "Water off a duck's back" catchphrase. It's touching and, not to be crass, it's expertly crafted: I'm not coming for Jinkx when I say that she knows exactly what she's laying out, and similar speeches have won this competition before.
And then, it's Alaska's turn, and she turns the Star Power Firehouse on full-blast, skipping Roxxxy and Jinkx's conversational tone for a much more dramatic delivery. She reads down Roxxxy and Jinkx for their Sugar Ball mishaps, then hits a rhythm of trash to treasure, tragic to magic, and hunties, do not forget that she's the only one who hasn't been in the Bottom Two.
Alaska Thunderfuck: Sharing Responsibility for the Crown of America's Next Drag Superstar.
The judges deliberate, but we know that at this point, it doesn't matter: nobody is being eliminated, and America is going to choose its winner. The queens come back, and for the first time this season, we're given a glimpse of this year's crown. It gets more gorgeous every year, doesn't it?
Like Season Four, all three queens will perform the final Lip Synch For Your Life.
This is the beginning of the rest of your life.
And then, RuPaul lets us know: get on every social media site you can think of, and let your #TeamJinkx and #TeamAlaska flags fly, because this isn't a vote, it's a cheering contest.
Friends: that's our season! We have the clip show next week (which will include this week's skipped Untucked), and on May 6, we'll have the Finale, a reunion and crowning.
I have some thoughts about this season that I'm brewing for another post, but for now, I'd like to direct your attention to the Bad Hessian blog, where Alex Hanna has been doing fascinating statistical work on RuPaul's Drag Race results. While I've been doing addition on my fingers, Alex (aka Kate Silver, hunties) has applied mathematical rigor to the process, and his most recent post analyzes the Twitter traction the finalists are getting. He's got more analysis coming, and I'm living for what he's put together. Check him out!
Okay, sound off: did this episode change your mind on anybody? Do you think this year's winner is a foregone conclusion, or is there still a race on? Hit me up on Twitter and Facebook, and stay tuned, darlings.
04/18/2013
RuPaul's Drag Race Season 5 Episode 11: Sugar Ball Recap
It's the crucial Top Four challenge! Everybody has something to prove today: Jinkx and Roxxxy are vying for dominance in total wins, and it's Alaska and Detox's last chance to catch up. Coco and Alyssa are gone, Ivy and Jade and Lineysha and everybody else are gone, and we're down to ...Rolaskatox and Jinkx.
While we roll the opening credits, I want to take a moment to acknowledge a couple things. One: my apologies for this recap being so late. As I was writing last night, the news of the explosion in West, TX was breaking, and the video from it wrecked my capacity to be snarky about drag queen fashion mishaps. This has been a shitty week in America, but it's heartening to see people rallying around those affected by the tragedies in Boston and West. Hopefully I can do my part to bring you, dear reader, a little levity, by reading some bitches down today. ;-)
Second, a congratulations and shout-out: at the viewing party on Monday night, I found out that my friends Ashley and McCord are engaged!
Aren't they the damned cutest? Marriage equality hasn't made its way to Georgia yet, so I'm lobbying for a New Zealand wedding. Upon hearing the news, Blake's on the Park, the bar in Atlanta where we watch RuPaul's Drag Race each week, brought over champagne to celebrate--thanks, Blake's!
Oh, the show's back on! The top four discuss how Alaska and Jinkx still haven't lip synched for their lives, and Alaska invokes the name of Tyra Sanchez for making Final Three without ever lip synching. (She does not mention the other person who made Top Three their season without lip synching: first-season runner-up Nina Flowers.)
SheMail! RuPaul rattles off a list of candies, but before we can get to the ball challenge, #EverybodyLovesPuppets! This is a reprise of last year's Top Four challenge, complete with the Big Pink Puppet Hole.
RuPaul's joke was A Fist Called Wanda, but I prefer A Fistful of Dolls.
Time for the Punch and Mary show!
Jinkx and Detox do fine with the mini-challenge. Jinkx's Lil' DeDe is a string of exasperated Detox catchphrases, executed in a canny voice, and Detox's Lil' Lasky whines about Sharon, because as we learned from the RuPaul Roast, there's apparently only one best way to come for Alaska.
The show editors get in on the side-by-side action.
Roxxxy's snoozing, over-contoured Lil' Jinkxy starts okay, but derails when Roxxxy narrates from Lil' Jinkxy, "I try to seem so innocent all the time, but I'm really a bitch! I'm here to win it, and you guys have no idea!" Smiles faulter, and once Roxxxy finishes, Alaska tells her only-half-jokingly, "That was rude."
Roxxxy embodies the hashtag #ThatAwkwardMomentWhen
Alaska saves the puppet show and rightfully earns the mini-challenge win with Lil' Poundcake's baby sister, Lil' Miss Thang. If Alaska ever retires from drag, she clearly has a second career in dollmaking; Lineysha wasn't necessary for Lil' Miss Thang's tearaways for her tearaways, haaaaay!
After declaring Alaska the mini-challenge winner, RuPaul introduces the ball challenge, and this year, it's the Sugar Ball! Like past years, the ball challenge is a three-look extravaganza, and the final look must be made from scratch and incorporate an unconventional material. In the past, the "unconventional material" has been fruit, Monopoly money, and live dogs. This year, it's candy!
Where my Peeps at? Where my Peeps at?
Roxxxy is giddy for a "sewing challenge," though everybody seems to have been given a white corset to use as a base. Really, it's a hot glue challenge, maybe an E-6000 challenge if you're really getting fancy-crafty. No matter! The girls set to work.
As soon as Jinkx said "Alexander McQueen" and started fucking with antlers, my brain and my heart went in different directions. While my brain knew Jinkx had this in mind...
...my heart hoped for a decidedly different homage: I've been waiting five seasons for a queen to have the tucked cajones to pummel the runway in a recreation of Santino's infamous Sexy German Deer Lingerie look from his season of Project Runway.
After all, imitation is flattery, and flattery is the most direct path to Santino's pants, right? Jinkx could have recreated one of those looks in candy, and it would have been ...well, a big swing, but an unforgettable runway moment, and like Mama Ru says, it do take nerve. And the worst that could happen is that she'd have to lip synch "Malambo No. 1," right?
Dear Season Six hopefuls: please, please, please, I want one of you do this.
My apologies: we've all digressed.
Continue reading "RuPaul's Drag Race Season 5 Episode 11: Sugar Ball Recap" »
04/11/2013
RuPaul's Drag Race Season 5 Episode 10: Super Troopers recap
Strut-2-3-4! Strut-2-3-4! In their own ways, everybody this week learned how to serve.
We're post-elimination, and Coco feels good. She hopes to rewrite her narrative arc, announcing, "Now it's time to be America's next drag superstar. Thank you, girls!" It's misplaced hope, but Coco doesn't know that yet.
Meanwhile, the other queens are resolved to sabotage Jinkx any way they can. Alaska observes, "It's turned quickly from 'Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants' to 'Sisterhood of I'm Going to Kill You So I Can Win,'" which is a mouthful, but I guess Chad already ran the Hunger Games allusion into the ground. Roll credits! Good morning, Top Five!
Today's SheMail is comprised of building and construction jokes--laying a foundation, painting the house down, et al--but apparently that mini-challenge, whatever it was, was nixed after they'd already filmed the SheMail segments.
"Using this Form Decor, you have twenty minutes to build a Drag House pillow fort."
Instead, they've phoned in a trainer for a reprise of the Season One endurance challenge. I question the wisdom of jumping jacks in heels, but I suppose it's no more complicated than some of the dancing in heels they're expected to do, and fortunately, nobody turns an ankle.
After Detox, Coco, and Roxxxy crunch out, it comes down to Jinkx and Alaska. Though Jinkx's face says "I'm strong to the finish..."
Alaska ultimately triumphs. This week is the annual put-a-rando-in-drag challenge (also known as the Drag U Audition Challenge), and Alaska is charged with pairing gay military veterans with drag queens, in a challenge celebrating the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
(n.b. Clever Redditor RuPaulRyan points out that all the SheMail puns are almost certainly related to building one's metaphorical drag haus. Probably correct, but I prefer the theory that at some point, this challenge was making over construction workers instead.)
If I may aside: you would think that Alaska's power here would be a huge advantage, but historically, it's been a mixed bag. The three previous seasons' assigners, Tatianna, Alexis, and Kenya, ended with Tati and Alexis as safe, and Kenya going back home. Alaska doesn't break form from the girls who came before her, picking the conventionally prettiest one for herself, and doles out the other vets by the order they walked in the room. Roxxxy gets the short, hairy one, Jinkx gets the old guy, Coco gets a brick, and Detox gets a Marine with a pre-sissied walk. Fun for everybody!
The queens get to work, and Detox is pleased with Aaron's rear admiral. He's a Marine, so take your pick between "seamen" and "poop deck" jokes.
Detox thanks the Ru Gods for sending her a single, cute, heels-trained Castro District bottom to play with, and Jinkx editorializes that if Detox doesn't win, she has nobody to blame but herself.
Meanwhile, Jinkx is having a great experience with her veteran, even with his limitations: like Raven in Season 2, her guy is the oldest and most physically challenged in the room, but he also has the best stories, and he's a total sweetie to Jinkx. Dave is a Vietnam veteran and the second-oldest surviving gay veteran in America, and was friends with Judy Garland, before... well.
"To be perfectly frank, she didn't need that much help getting over the rainbow."
Continue reading "RuPaul's Drag Race Season 5 Episode 10: Super Troopers recap" »
04/03/2013
RuPaul's Drag Race Season 5 Episode 9: Drama Queens recap
¡Ay, caramba! Dig out your craft-store hair-flowers, woven ponchos, and Taco Bell Chihuahua impersonations, because this week, we're prancing south of the border!
I know we only skipped one week, but the last episode feels like a lifetime ago, doesn't it? We're back in the werkroom after "Scent of a Drag Queen" judging, fewer one friendly face.
I miss Ivy too!
Alyssa lays out her mantra for the episode: "I'm a performer. This is what I do." (Alyssa, like me, still has "Runway Girl" stuck in her head from Week Two.) Alyssa loves to perform and she loves to compete, and when they're married into one? It's possible that Alyssa enjoys lip synching for her life more than any other queen who's ever come to RuPaul's Drag Race. The other queens are incredulous that she's unshaken by her second lip synch in a row.
Meanwhile, Jinkx wants to finish what Coco started in last episode's Untucked, regarding Coco dismissing Jinkx as a "comedy queen." At this point in the evening, though, neither of them wants a fight, just the last word; if Coco had come for Jinkx again, they'd have broadcast it. The dramatic music would indicate otherwise, but the utter exhaustion in the werkroom is palpable from all the queens, and every minute wasted fighting is one fewer minute of desperately-needed sleep. Roll credits!
Top Six! SheMail! RuPaul introduces The Crying Game, the least-comfortable mini-challenge ever. (Even more uncomfortable than watching Morgan McMichaels barf up her Chicken or What and then force herself to continue eating? I think yes.) The queens sit in the Cher-ing Circle...
...and are meant to, what exactly? Give overly-dramatic comedy accompanied by faked tears? Deliver an unironically dramatic performance to make the rest of the room cry too? Marry an emotionally-wrought monologue about a trans woman character with the phrase "bearded lady?"
We're only shown a few seconds of each performance, and the whole affair is disconcerting even before we reach Detox. The mini-challenge has turned into a trigger for Detox, whose ex-boyfriend died two years ago, and Detox shares this story instead of something fictional. The other performances suddenly feel like a mockery of actual pain, and the exercise ends quickly after that.
Detox and Alyssa win the mini-challenge--I'm still not sure of the judging criteria, but let's never play that mini-challenge again, please--and we all know what it means when a mini-challenge has two winners! Coco had presciently hoped that this wouldn't be a team challenge (probably remembering that "Frenemies" was last year's Top Six), but six is too divisible, and Detox and Alyssa are asked to choose teams for a telenovela challenge.
Rolaskatox is reunited, in name if not spirit. After that harrowing mini-challenge, I don't begrudge Detox her choice of any damned team she wants, but Alaska doesn't share this sentiment, worried that her goofball teammates are going to repeat the overconfident, underwhelming performance they gave in "Can I Get an Amen?" a few episodes ago.
She warms up as they start rehearsing, though, and all three are having fun by the time Ru comes for the werkroom walkthrough.
Rolaskatox rehearses the scene wherein they'll be day-drinking Absolut Cyanide.™
However, RuPaul wastes no time undermining the team's confidence, bringing up Rolaskatox as a "crutch" and reading Detox for enjoying some post-trigger levity in their challenge preparation. Ru's in kind of a shady-bitch mood today, isn't she? After the critique, Detox decides to leave her ugly-virgin mask behind and trade roles with Roxxxy, casting herself as the maid instead.
Meanwhile, Rolaskatox will square off against Colyssinkx (the new remedy that flushes out boogers fast!).
Miss Alyssa is living for her gig, translating her mirror faces into telenovela realness, though as always, Coco's not buying what Alyssa's selling. The incorrigible RuPaul continues shit-stirring, comparing Alyssa and Coco's relationship to The Turning Point (now in my Instant Queue, thanks Ru!), but Alyssa and Coco prefer Tyra Banks and Naomi Campbell.
Category is: face, face, face, face!
RuPaul watches as they run lines. Jinkx is Italian, Alyssa is Romanian, and Coco is the help. Yeah, this bodes well.
Continue reading "RuPaul's Drag Race Season 5 Episode 9: Drama Queens recap" »
03/21/2013
RuPaul's Drag Race Season 5 Episode 8: Scent of a Drag Queen recap
This episode put us through it, right? It's not comfortable, spending a full hour gagging like that.
We cold-open in the werkroom, just after Roxxxy and Alyssa's Hairwhip For Your Life. Roxxxy's hitting her post-cry endorphin rush, and has perked up since we last saw her. She apologizes for taking her anger and frustration out on Jinkx, and Jinkx accepts the apology. Meanwhile, Detox is frustrated that there are still seven queens in the competition. Alaska is playing "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" as Coco crows over her win.
She and Jinkx are quickly becoming a united front, but neither of them wants to fight with Coco on-camera more than necessary, so let's roll credits!
The queens come into the werkroom for the day's new challenge, hollering "Yes Gawd!" (These werkroom entrances make me nostalgic for DiDa Ritz. "Category is: Cheesecake!") The SheMail brings an onslaught of scent-related jokes, but before we start panty-sniffing, there's a meaty mini-challenge to behold.
The queens will play "Whatcha Packin'?" The answer, of course, is dick. Lots of generously-sized dicks and hefty balls, well-packed into Andrew Christian.
(And his underwear. *rimshot!*)
Continue reading "RuPaul's Drag Race Season 5 Episode 8: Scent of a Drag Queen recap" »
03/14/2013
RuPaul's Drag Race Season 5 Episode 7: RuPaul Roast Recap
Smart girls and funny girls, pull out yer shades, because reading is fundamental.
We're back after Jade's elimination. Yay, Ivy won! While Jinkx had her fingers crossed for two challenge wins in a row, nobody begrudges Ivy her win. Alaska, meanwhile, is doing the math: she and Coco are the only two who haven't won challenges yet. She reminds the room that Sharon won four challenges (a record that won't be matched this season), and you can see that she's picked Chekov's gun off the make-up counter where she left it during last episode's cold open. (Throwback!)
Alaska deserves a heap of credit for playing a strategic game thusfar: she's done a brilliant job of avoiding runway comparisons to Sharon until now, when it backfired and the judges finally couldn't help letting their Sharon feelings bubble out. She's going to act on Michelle's advice, though, immediately and decisively: Rolaskatox is over. Roll credits!
Jinkx provides the human drumroll for her new bestie: "Alaska!" The Rolaskatox break-up talk seems quick, quiet, and diplomatic, though you can tell: Roxxxy is hurt, while Detox, mostly worried for Roxxxy, takes it for the strategic decision it is.
Hunker down: you'll be seeing a lot of Roxxxy's hurt-face this week.
SheMail! RuPaul is wearing his hair-flower from last episode's runway look, and whips out everybody's favorite mini-challenge accessory: reading glasses!
Unlike prior seasons, we're unfortunately not shown the whole down-the-line, but from what we see, the girls bring it. Watch the bonus clip for the rest of the reads: Roxxxy had at least three rhyming reads prepared, for chrissakes. Everybody has clearly done their reading homework. I'm suitably impressed by the entire group; at Season Five, there's no reason to flub this mini-challenge, and everybody landed a couple good reads. My two favorites:
Jinkx, to Roxxxy: "There are two types of peanut butter: creamy and crunchy."
Alaska, to Detox: "You're so seductive, but unfortunately, it's illegal to do it with you, because most of your parts are under eighteen years of age!"
Coco gets special credit for her 'read' of Detox, which Detox totally takes as a compliment: "Is Amanda Lepore your mother? Because there's a lot of silicone going on there." It's probably the nicest thing Coco has said to Detox this week.
Alaska's ribbing takes the win, and RuPaul explains the main challenge: a live comedy roast of RuPaul (and anybody else in the room). Alaska will decide the order of presentation, and their Swanky Cocktail Attire roast look will double as their runway look. This is clearly a challenge that calls for Day Drinking.
And when you hear the Absolut plug, you know Jeffrey Moran is on his way, and you'll need a fucking drink.
Continue reading "RuPaul's Drag Race Season 5 Episode 7: RuPaul Roast Recap" »