Smart girls and funny girls, pull out yer shades, because reading is fundamental.
We're back after Jade's elimination. Yay, Ivy won! While Jinkx had her fingers crossed for two challenge wins in a row, nobody begrudges Ivy her win. Alaska, meanwhile, is doing the math: she and Coco are the only two who haven't won challenges yet. She reminds the room that Sharon won four challenges (a record that won't be matched this season), and you can see that she's picked Chekov's gun off the make-up counter where she left it during last episode's cold open. (Throwback!)
Alaska deserves a heap of credit for playing a strategic game thusfar: she's done a brilliant job of avoiding runway comparisons to Sharon until now, when it backfired and the judges finally couldn't help letting their Sharon feelings bubble out. She's going to act on Michelle's advice, though, immediately and decisively: Rolaskatox is over. Roll credits!
Jinkx provides the human drumroll for her new bestie: "Alaska!" The Rolaskatox break-up talk seems quick, quiet, and diplomatic, though you can tell: Roxxxy is hurt, while Detox, mostly worried for Roxxxy, takes it for the strategic decision it is.
Hunker down: you'll be seeing a lot of Roxxxy's hurt-face this week.
SheMail! RuPaul is wearing his hair-flower from last episode's runway look, and whips out everybody's favorite mini-challenge accessory: reading glasses!
Unlike prior seasons, we're unfortunately not shown the whole down-the-line, but from what we see, the girls bring it. Watch the bonus clip for the rest of the reads: Roxxxy had at least three rhyming reads prepared, for chrissakes. Everybody has clearly done their reading homework. I'm suitably impressed by the entire group; at Season Five, there's no reason to flub this mini-challenge, and everybody landed a couple good reads. My two favorites:
Jinkx, to Roxxxy: "There are two types of peanut butter: creamy and crunchy."
Alaska, to Detox: "You're so seductive, but unfortunately, it's illegal to do it with you, because most of your parts are under eighteen years of age!"
Coco gets special credit for her 'read' of Detox, which Detox totally takes as a compliment: "Is Amanda Lepore your mother? Because there's a lot of silicone going on there." It's probably the nicest thing Coco has said to Detox this week.
Alaska's ribbing takes the win, and RuPaul explains the main challenge: a live comedy roast of RuPaul (and anybody else in the room). Alaska will decide the order of presentation, and their Swanky Cocktail Attire roast look will double as their runway look. This is clearly a challenge that calls for Day Drinking.
And when you hear the Absolut plug, you know Jeffrey Moran is on his way, and you'll need a fucking drink.
Jinkx is running hot about this challenge, and she can almost taste a second challenge win. That said, the penalty for failure is high: "At a drag show, when you bomb, you don't just hear crickets, you hear shotguns getting cocked."
Heh heh heh, Jinkx said "getting cocked."
Meanwhile, there is nobody living for this competition like Alyssa. The process of competition really suits her, doesn't it? Every week, she's gotten more enthusiastic about the challenges, and her amazing mood from last week has carried into this week. She's living for her roast jokes, and is completely unfazed that she's getting stony silence from Rolask Roxxxy, Alaska, and Detox.
OMG OMG OMG Michelle Visage has entered the werkroom!
Coco explains her Brewster Projects character, and Michelle doesn't hate the idea. As though Coco needs reminding, Michelle says that this challenge is important for Coco. Neither of them says what both of them know: at this point in the competition, nobody survives their third strike.
Ivy has little to show Michelle, and she's clearly getting nervous about this challenge.
You know, she comes off as sweet and ditzy, but it's worth remembering: Ivy is demonstratably brilliant. Costumers with her skill have serious chops in a range of disciplines--math, spatial reasoning, problem-solving, et al, not to mention design and aesthetic--and she has an entire third career in clowning, where she has a zillion tricks and skills too. And she's a fucking fierce performer. She's never stopped being one of my Top Three picks. Nobody can do everything, though, and Ivy doesn't do comedy.
Michelle and Alyssa have a fascinating talk about joking versus being mean. I swear, Michelle explains the difference slowly, as though Alyssa is slightly sociopathic and requires unambiguous guidance on how humans react to cruelty. It seems condescending until we hear Alyssa try out "Girl, that outfit is tired and ridiculous, bitch, you need to go change" as an example of "funny." Michelle is worried. "Joke after joke after joke," she advises.
Michelle reveals the guest judges: Leslie Jordan (which draws genuine excitement) and Jeffrey Moran (which draws purely faked excitement, because nobody likes Jeffrey Moran) before advising the girls to not fuck it up!
We take a moment to watch Jinkx catching forty winks, which I'm not GIFfing because that feels mean. Instead, have this adorable Detox reaction shot:
I used to have a narcoleptic coworker, and Detox is making my "Oh sweetie, we're in a meeting, let's wake up now" face.
Coaching time! Jinkx is a bit intimidated by Deven Green; Ivy is advised to be more vicious. Alaska's crack at BoobsforQueens.com (that's BoobsforQueens.com! *ding!*) fell flat with the coaches, but made me spit-take my beer across the table. Coco is sticking with her Brewster Projects character.
Alyssa ...okay, Alyssa genuinely doesn't understand roasting, does she? I think Alyssa simply finds insults inherently hilarious, and she hears "Your reading needs to be funny" as tautological advice. She tries "Santino, will you please shut the fuck up with your no-drag-knowledge mouth," and Bruce Vilanch begs for actual jokes. Detox's session is fine, but Roxxxy's is a bust, and she's shaken, rather than bolstered, by her critique and the useless advice to be funnier.
The next morning, we get jaunty music playing over the werkroom entrance, masking any room-entering proclamations. While painting, Coco and Jinkx trade shots, and Roxxxy lashes out at Jinkx, for which she gets a pass from me because--as we've seen in next week's preview--she's going to own her behavior and apologize for it later this evening. Anyway. Let's hit the runway for some comedy!
Alaska looks gorgeous as usual. I think she missed a hell of an opportunity, though: between the judges riding her for not being vulnerable, the slew of Sharon jokes that she knew were coming, and the fact that she was going first? Truly, I wish Alaska had done a fully-realized on-fucking-point Sharon Needles look tonight. She could have read herself on all the easy Sharon jokes first, leaving the other girls scratching for material about her, and at the same time, what look could possibly be more vulnerable for Alaska?
But enough of my armchair-quarterbacking: Alaska's comedy was excellent. I loved the jab at the Hindenburg ruining Ru's bat mitzvah, and though sizism humor tends to sour me, the Roxxxy-with-three-Xs joke was a perfect example of what Michelle told Alyssa earlier: "If it's funny, it gets a pass." Alaska was absolutely a contender for the win this week.
Roxxxy is next, and leads by calling Alaska "a tired, boring, weird, second-rate version of your husband." It's not delivered with quite enough levity to hide her hurt about the Rolaskatox rejection, and Roxxxy unfortunately stays in her own head through the performance.
Here's the thing about RuPaul: a certain flavor of humor will almost always win her over. Savvy Coco goes to the same well as Laquifa the Post-Modern Pimp-Ho, Mo'Nique in the Snatch Game, and Lil' Poundcake, fine-tuning her Brewster Projects character specifically to RuPaul. It works. Ru found it funnier than I did, but this is RuPaul's Drag Race, not The Dilettwat's Drag Race. I'm going to say this, because Coco is the only remaining contestant that hasn't won me over: this is the second week in a row that she's looked busted on the runway, and it fucking kills me that if somebody was going to do a busted-character runway look and win, it was motherfucking Coco. (Augh, it gets me so worked up, I start abusing italics!)
Jinkx slays. I adore that hair on her, her make-up looks great, and I love that she's painted on big ole Michelle Visage titties. Every punchline landed for me. Her comedic timing is flawless, and I thought for sure that, depending on how their outfits went over with the judges, either she or Alaska had this challenge in the bag.
As Ivy stepped up, I was chanting at the television, "C'mon, baby girl, just get through this, just get through this." (When Ivy's owning a performance, she's unstoppable, but when she's out of her element, Ivy inspires big-sister/stage-mom feelings in me. I just want her to be okay, y'know?)
I was ashamed to be surprised: Ivy's jokes were pretty good! Her writing was better than her delivery, but I loved her "Speaking of fairies, hello Leslie!" moment, and was delighted by the meta-awkward hilarity of this exchange:
Ivy: "Having sex with Santino is a lot like Ru's music career: ...awkward."
Santino: "You would know..."
From the jump, Alyssa's microphone joins the audience in an awkward cringe. I do love that she brought up Santino's Project Runway past: if you're ever feeling grouchy at Santino for the way he talks to the queens, just re-watch his exchange with Nina Garcia in the lingerie challenge. I'll upload it for you later, but suffice to say: Santino learned how to be a hard-ass judge from the best. It would have been hilarious if Alyssa had called Santino "aesthetically not pleasing," but hilarious isn't in Alyssa's gig. As Detox says, "God bless him, he tried his hardest."
Going last didn't do Detox any favors: by the time it was her turn, she'd forgotten the rhythm she'd planned, and though her writing was great (I loved the "Gayer than the Fire Island production of Rent" jab at Leslie), she would have benefitted enormously from a few minutes of alone-time to collect herself just before her roast.
And that's a wrap! Best Breasts on Panel awarded this week to Michelle Visage.
The useless, humorless Jeffrey Moran nonwithstanding, this season's guest judges have been amazing, right? I thought nobody could top Kristen Johnston for my favorite critiques this season, but Leslie Jordan just may be my new favorite. During the critique, Leslie pays Alaska a lovely compliment: Comedy is like music, and Alaska hears the music. He's the only panelist who loves Ivy's gloves, and he tells Jinkx, "You have a career, in or out of drag, in comedy."
And Michelle loved Jinkx's runway look! I shrieked in delight too.
Detox gets mixed reviews, and criticized for her over-use of the f-bomb. The brilliant Jeffrey Moran has an eloquent and insightful comment for Alyssa: "You could have been a little funnier, and I thought you were trying too hard."
Leslie tells Alyssa, "You're so gorgeous!" I love Leslie Jordan. Leslie then tells Wanda Sykes to move over for Coco. The judges are rough on Roxxxy, and you can feel her stormclouds brewing.
The girls stumble back to the Interior Illusions lounge. Bless their read-to-filth souls, they look like shellshocked zombies in desperate need of a pint glass of vodka.
The queens have a come-to-Jesus with Coco and Alyssa about the goddamn pageant. In the end, everybody scores diplomacy points, as all seven make a pact to not bring up the pageant and shut down anybody who does. Take that, story producers!
Time to talk bottom two. Alyssa gets her first genuine room-full-of-laughter when she exclaims, "They read me the house down, underneath the cement!" It's revealed that they actually turned Alyssa's microphone off during her performance, which everybody noticed but her. Oh, Alyssa, baby girl, I'm going to miss you.
The Big Pink Furry Box has baby pictures! CUTE TIMES AHOY.
Detox and Alaska have been practicing their signature faces since childhood.
Baby Roxxxy is officially the cutest child in history.
The picture of an ear-to-ear grinning Jinkx draws out the contrast to Jinkx's childhood and teenaged years, where (indulge me, I'm switching pronouns) his single, alcoholic mother left Jinkx to raise his brothers.
My heart breaks. I have found this to be true: some of the best people you'll meet in life are people who raised their siblings, and I'm adding Jinkx as further confirming evidence of this.
The break-up of Rolaskatox, the rejection from the coaches and judges, the threat of lip-synching, and Jinkx's triggering story of his mother and grandmother are fast-approaching Roxxxy's rejection breaking-point. Roxxxy has never emotionally addressed his mom, and those feelings begin to come up. He shares the story of his mother leaving Roxxxy and his sister at a bus stop, and as they cry together, you can watch Jinkx and Roxxxy finally building a bridge to sisterhood, even friendship.
(There are people online saying Roxxxy was faking her later breakdown on the runway, in front of RuPaul. No. Just ...no, you're welcome to your wrong opinion, but no.)
We can't head back to the runway on that sad note, though, so let's unswitch our pronouns and have some quick Cattiness About Jinkx! In the Gold Bar, Rolysaco takes a while to articulate it, but when Roxxxy calls Jinkx "a motherfucking contender for this title," we hit the heart of it: Jinkx isn't behaving like the clear and obvious frontrunner, which is exactly how Roxxxy, Alyssa, and Coco see her. (Jinkx is in Interior Illusions with the Nice Girls, proving their point.)
Back to the runway! Coco pulls out her first win. 10% T, 90% shade: I think RuPaul doesn't want somebody to win four challenges again this year. She's spreading out the wins. Jinkx and Alaska were both funnier than Coco, and from Michelle's reactions, Jinkx's runway beat Alaska. Jinkx should have won. No shade to Detox, but Jinkx also should have won the Draggle Rock episode with her pink-fairy hostess character and her Marie Antoinette snuffbox runway. But that would put her at three wins already, with another five competitive episodes to go. RuPaul is spreading out the wins because, as Roxxxy said, this competition has "a motherfucking contender for this title."
Augh. Sorry for getting ranty.
Safe.
Detox and Ivy round out the middle of the pack, and Alyssa and Roxxxy are up for elimination. Though their actual synching-of-the-lips-to-the-words-of-the-song is mediocre, their dedication to hairography is brilliant. Roxxxy starts with the best wig-snatch in the history of RuPaul's Drag Race, and what she and Alyssa bring to the runway drives home the point: this is Season Five, not Season Four, and when we need our hair to stay on our head, our hair stays on our head.
But. Can you imagine having the sort of emotional couple of days Roxxxy has had, though, and then doing that for four minutes, and then not crying? She breaks all the way down, and she takes the rest of the room with her. RuPaul speaks of chosen family, and on that note, shanté, you both stay.
RuPaul's Best Friend Race
No dancing today: instead, we get notes of "If I Dream" and a group-hug amen. Let the music play!
-----
(I did NOT see that non-elimination coming! So here's the T: like I said, we have five competition episodes left. With this non-elimination, we no longer have enough episodes remaining to bring back an eliminated girl, a la Carmen and Kenya; it gives us one too many girls for the rest of the season. I don't think anybody's coming back this year, or if they do, we're going to have some other wackiness happen, like another double-elimination, or a top-five ball challenge and top-four music-video challenge. But Occam's razor says: everybody this season is sashaying away permanently.)
Next week: The most penis-y mini-challenge ever! And ...perfume?
(Stay tuned! I'd love to chat with you on Twitter, and next week, we're going to have prizes! Yay prizes!)
These posts are so worth the wait. It's obvious how much effort you put into these. To malaprop Pam Tillis, this one is "DEVASTATING."
I never even thought of the idea of Alaska coming out as Sharon. That could have been pretty great, because it appears to me like she's doing Lady Bunny-lite here for the roast. I'm hoping now the wheat has bid farewll to the chaff we'll see what our queens are really made of.
I thought it was a good move to go first myself. She killed it. I have been replaying that onomatopoeia of RuPaul's legs in my mind over and over and over. I would also point out that Jinkx's mug was so flawlessly beat this round that provided this level is maintained she should silence the "glamazon-polizei" (aka Visage).
I was surprised nobody mentioned vodka AT ALL. I would have at least made some comment about thanking Absolut (if not explicitly the lacklustre Moran) for getting me hrough my community service by lowering my standards for so many otherwise unscrewable men (and vice versa). Beverly Leslie... I mean Leslie Jordan's critiques were extra-great. I appreciate the notes from the professional actors & writers. Maybe I'm biased but after Miss Julie Brown (a personal fave) praising Jinkx, with LJ's comments, I wouldn't worry about pleasing anyone anymore. You do you, Jinkx!
I wanted to note the professional picture that was going around the other day of Mlle Monsoon, that Manilla was saying looked like she was wearing the lifetime supply of colorevolution cosmetics. Someone smells a winner. I wonder how much contact the queens get (and the opportunity to leech technical knowledge) from @Mathuism?
Posted by: JiveHonkey | 03/14/2013 at 02:09 PM
I agree, totally worth the wait - and yes, Alaska should have gone out as Sharon Needles!
Having said that, I loved her bit and loved Jinkx's, but I'm okay with spreading out the wins.
You write a great recap. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you...
Posted by: Robyn Weisman | 03/14/2013 at 04:51 PM
Love these recaps so much - all week I anticipate the shows and then once the shows are done, I anticipate the recap. Now the cycle begins again!
Really like how you have kind of put the whole picture from Roxxxy's perspective together. I'm not a huge fan of Roxxxy but when you put everything into context, the breakdown makes complete sense. And, adding in the tiredness from the long shooting days, it's really no wonder. I think people who say she was faking it are being a tad too cynical. None of the other girls in the competition seemed to think it was fake and surely they are the ones with the greatest licence to be cynical, no? It's one thing to criticise the show for being emotionally manipulative but it's another thing to say the people (real people!) in it were faking it.
That said, as soon as it was Alyssa and Roxxxy in the bottom two I had a feeling it was going to be a non-elimination. No idea why. And, like Detox and Alaska, I feel a bit frustrated by that!
I think Untucked was edited really strangely. Probably because, as you say, they had the D&M moment re: Jinkx & Roxxxy earlier on and then went to the 'I can't understand the irony of me criticising someone for being insecure' moment re: Jinkx afterwards. I wonder if they really happened in that order. It seemed odd to me. I really wish we could have heard more of what Ivy/Detox/Alaska said to Jinkx too, they just showed us glances and confessional footage.
Totally agree re: Coco. It was amusing but I didn't find it anywhere near as funny as RuPaul seemed to find it and it really did scream 'sharing the wins' to me. I just don't see why the win couldn't have been shared with Alaska. Their criticism of her seems ad hoc to me - isn't going first BRAVE and, as you said, smart??
Oh, and love the pic re: Moran. He's so... arrrggghhhhhh!
Posted by: fearofphotography | 03/14/2013 at 05:05 PM
Great post! Check out the Coco gloating preview and there’s a sweet moment in the end when Alaska and Jinkx are at their workstation talking about Alaska not winning a challenge. Alaska has her hand on the chair and Jinkx’s hand is resting on Alaska’s. I’m not predicting them as the kai kai couple but but where is it? Being saved for the reunion? *ripoff
My thoughts on Alaska playing a strategic game this season? Once again she lost screen time not having a "defining moment". The show & Ru tweeted it was a defining episode in the season but it wasn't HERS! Rolaskatox IRONY!Ro stole her show and we ended up with seven sisters yada yada.
I think she blew it with the alliance from day one. It was very high risk to think you could recreate The Heathers without any organic foundation. Trying to recreate Heathers is foolish, it was a onetime phenomenon.
Figuring Alaska out is tricky. Is she just a joiner or does she actually have a point of view and leadership qualities? Because by now it seems RuPaul is looking for something deeper than the fashion (a la Raja’s “why you?” runway reply “for all the little boys”.) Sharon had that too, and that’s the “heart” Ru’s looking for. If that's true where does that leave the rest of them?
If Alaska came in worried about being in Sharon's shadow she really should have focused on dominating the season with a strong, independent, identifiable personality but she came off as someone we could gleam nuggets from but then what? A nice cute congenial person, not a leader, who likes groupthink, with a sense of humor is all she has left. And even in Untucked I’m not hearing any leadership like Jinkx’s. It’s almost like she’s shy or doesn’t want to blow it by risking speaking out, even in Untucked except for this week. But she didn't do herself any favors doing Stacy Lane Matthews 2.0 with ”I don’t know what to do.” tears. Maybe I'm forgetting other moments but that's how memorable they were then.
A hard position. She could have taken the opportunity to call out the pageant cray instead of silently ignoring it. Sometimes her confessionals are better than her on screens. As if she’s afraid to make comments on screen. Rolaskatox almost overshadowed her individual challenge accomplishments but Rolaskatox was nothing so ~wonk-wonk.
To me, Rolaskatox illustrates the problem with Roxxxy and Detox having an exaggerated view of their capabilities. Thinking they're so fabulous that just announcing an alliance would be something memorable. Winning a pageant or being part of WILLAM's videos doesn't make you all that. They are "Willam Belli featuring Detox and vicky"
Neither has been impressive so far in performance regardless that Detox does have the a fabulous wardrobe, that'll only get you so far. (Bebe-Tyra backlash).
She's a tall bombshell then full stop. Roxxxy doesn't resonate with me for any reason so there's nothing I can say that's very complimentary. They both can walk a runway and can act confident. Roxxxy didn't blow the Snatch Game or Amen performance but that's a low bar. They both played RuPaul, ironically ,and neither one resembled Ru at all IMO while simultaneously not impressing in the dance portion.
For sure I have concerns about Jinx and the final wardrobe heavy challenges coming up. Does she even sew? At this point tho I can't imagine the producers eliminating Jinkx because we've never had a professional quadruple threat on this show. I'm not even sure RuPaul has that resume: professional trained singer, dancer, actor, stand up and improv all mostly done in drag - for a mainstream audience. Shangela is close but not really and I'm not aware of her being the star of her tv shows unlike Jinkx in theater.
Thank you for your blog!
Posted by: eulogy | 03/15/2013 at 10:49 AM
As always, a stellar recap, and totally worth the wait! And I agree with you - Jinkx was robbed of another win. I like your theory that to avoid another "Sharon winning 4 challenges" scenario that maybe RuPaul is spreading the wealth with the wins. But that makes it pretty unfair to JInkx not to have won the others that were due to her. Which also makes it unfair to Alaska, since she was clearly the only threat Jinkx had in this challenge. But Coco? I mean, it wasn't a bad performance, but she was outshone by two other queens.
Posted by: Lisa | 03/15/2013 at 08:57 PM
After still thinking about this episode, I had to come back with a few more things to add:
• when Leslie Jordan said something to Coco to the effect of "look out Wanda Sykes" I rolled my eyes so hard. Please! Step off, little man.
• the last moment of Roxxxy's explanation mess, I swear she spits out "I'm so tired," which I believe from a production stand point. But then to have to do an on-camera, post-runway, de-dragging kiki...? Shooooes. It's exhausting just to think about.
Finally (it has happened to me), the Pit Crew has been under-utilized this season, so I'm glad to see some more hunks on deck for next week. Gagging with anticipation....
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